The Email Bumper Sticker

Instead of marking the rear bumper of your car with colorful (and freakishly impossible to remove) bumper stickers you've now decided to add your life's convictions, political status, and life changing advice to the end of your email.

If you don't know what I'm talking about it looks something like this...

Subject: Quick question
Hey Jeremy!
I thought I would find out if you were free to get together on Sunday night?
Let me know!
Thanks,
Bobby
--
Robert Miller Wilson III
Executive Assistand to the Executive Assistant's Assistant
Pointless Job Inc.
1234 Random Street
Random City, MO 64138
ph: 816-816-8168
fx: 816-816-8167
robert.miller.wilson.III.pointless.job.inc@pointless.job.inc.com
crazybobby@hotmail.com
--
"The more we express our gratitude to God for our blessings, the more He will bring to our mind other blessing. The more we are aware of to be grateful, the happier we become." Ezra Taft Benson

Do you see what I'm saying? Let's point out that the text of Bobby's email is shorter than the life quote he placed at the bottom.

Now, I don't know about you - but when I got Bobby's email I found that my life was beginning to change rapidly. This change, of course, began at first when I was following an Obama appointed clunker on which appeared this notice on the right. It was at that point, while paused at a red light that I decided my life of meanness would cease immediately and I would become a nice person. I didn't want to suck.

Well, the hits just came on coming. After getting Bobby's email and deciding that I just wanted to be happy and not sucky I got an email from another person and their quote just blew me away.

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

Please keep in mind that their email said the following: "Hey! Just writing to say hi!" But after reading their email bumper sticker I burst into tears. It wasn't that they thought of me for a moment and thought they'd say hi - it was their bumper sticker. At that moment, yes, right there in that moment, my life completely changed.
No more being sucky! No more ungrateful unhappy me! I had my friends and I was a changed man.

Oh thank you email bumper sticker! Thank you for reaching out of your cyber world and touching my poor miserable existence.

Sigh...

Sniffle...

Hmmm...

Sniffle...

Now get out there and change lives - one email bumper sticker at a time.

Did I shine my shoes today? Yes I shined my shoes today!

Have you heard that one yet? I learned that while I was in college for the first time under Dr. Robinson. He used that saying (the title, of course) to help the choir bow in unison. Go ahead - try it. But be rhythmic about it - at a nice even pace. As you bow down you say - "Did I shine my shoes today?" Then as you rise back up you say, "Yes I shined my shoes today." Of course you don't want this said out-loud, but like one of those mental devices you silently recite when you need to remember something.

My subject today, however, is not about bowing or my collegiate choir. It's actually about one the most vile and cursed things your piano teacher can do to you...yes, boys and girls...the piano recital.

The piano recital is only a small part of the lifelong study of the piano. You usually spend most of your time practicing (ha ha), going to lessons, and finding creative ways to divert the teacher during the piano lessons.

If you have ever taken lessons you have inevitably gone through the joy (or agony) of performing in a piano recital. So what is it about the recital that sends us into cold sweats and sleepless nights? I have actually had dreams where I arrive at the recital and sit down at the piano only to discover that I have no idea what I'm supposed to play.

There are three perspectives of the piano recital. The first is the perspective of the student or the performer. The student has worked on their recital pieces for probably a lot longer than they bargained for. In most cases the piece is memorized and you can imagine the music in your head as you play it. You know which sections you don't like, which you do, and which sections you think the composer should have left out..."yes, Mr Beethoven. I think that you should not have written these runs. What were you thinking!?! Oh, and by the way, the third movement of the 'Moonlight Sonata' - really?"

Once you finally get to the recital you sit through your fellow peers and their pieces while everything within you desires to run hysterically from the room and out of the building. But it's not so bad once you sit down at the piano. You know this stuff! And it will be over much faster than you realize.

The parent's perspective is often mixed. You are probably just as nervous as your child. You know how hard they've worked and you either completely DESPISE the piece they are playing or wish they would play it daily, and you'll probably request it at your funeral... You sit their proudly as they walk up to the instrument - which in the case of many beginners is comically larger than they are. As they play you know the sections that they have worked hard on, and you silently pray for their success. I love listening to parents sigh as their student passes those challenging sections. The bottom line is that your money, weekly trips to the teacher's studio, and time keeping your prodigy practicing was well worth getting to hear them play.

As a teacher I have to admit that the perspective on this side of the fence is wonderful. Having endured days and days of lessons, you get to watch the students come all dressed up and anxious for their few minutes of fame. This is where the title of the todays blog comes into play. As performers you desire your students to be able to identify their pieces, speak to the audience for a moment, and bow at the end. Of course in the heat of the moment, the student forgets everything other than their piece. If the piano weren't directly in front of them, they would likely leave the room in search for it.

The teacher's perspective is one of an educational one. You learn new ways to teach when you finally have the chance to see your student the way others see them. And you are excited! You are proud of their accomplishments and proud that they had the courage to play their piece for other people.

And next time you decide that you will begin working on announcing their pieces and bowing a lot earlier. Like their next lesson. Yes. "OK Bobby. You did a good job at your lesson today. Now, please, before you leave I need you to bow. Remember what I taught you?"

"Why yes, Mr. Piano teacher." And he says out-loud "Did I shine my shoes today? Yes I shined my shoes today."

And you sigh.

My electronic personality...

I figured I should get back at this since I have sooo much to say...

Most of the talk shows I listen to use Friday's as the let your hair down day. So why not? I think that Friday is a good time to let it all out. So, for this week, I think I've decided to let the whole world know (or really the 1 person that reads this) about my personal pet-peeve for this past week.

This is dedicated to the many stores in our area that have those cursed alarm systems at their entries and exits. Apparently I have an electronic personality that rubs these alarm systems the wrong way. No, I do not have a sensor in my wallet, I don't always wear clothes from "Old Navy" and I doubt that my $4 bottle of hair gel (an oxymoron for me) is considered a high risk product - but EVERY TIME I WALK THROUGH THE DOORS I SET OFF THE ALARMS!

At this point in my life it's become more of a comedic occurrence rather than one of embarrassment. There is nothing like walking into your local HyVee and setting off the alarms and having the bag-boys and girls look your direction. I feel like I should walk over to the nearest wall and spread my arms and legs for search. I can't wait, however, to have an employee chase me through their parking lot and search my grocery bag for that flat screen TV I must have hidden. "No, those are diapers, and that's a can of formula. Let's see, the TV must be hidden in my back pocket. It's a smaller model - but you should see the resolution..." What does HyVee sell that requires an alarm system? Are they worried you'll walk out with a freezer? I can just see the headlines, "Man Steals Freezer Filled with Hashbrowns and Canned Orange Juice." There would be a picture of me running through their parking lot trying to load it into the back of my Honda Civic.

I think, in reality, my favorite part is the reaction you get from the employee at any given store. You say "I set off your alarms coming in..." which is usually followed by a very blank stare and then, "huh?" or my favorite "oh, that happens all the time." Which tells you a lot about the success-rate and effectiveness of the alarms.

So I'll gladly take your suggestions for what I should do. I like the idea of going completely spread-eagle on the nearest wall or maybe I should just turn and run as fast as I can screaming through the parking lot. Unfortunately, the Civic doesn't really peel-out, but the motor screaming like an overworked lawnmower might be effective.

In any case - I think I feel better and am ready to tackle my next experience!

Until next time...